Mother and father raised me to believe in a god who never shows his face, says a word or answers a prayer. I was lead to believe that certain things will happen without you knowing or noticing. If that’s the case, do they happen at all? Does that not make them mere delusions?
So I was always subjected to their superstitions. I hid my successes and happiness because I feared the evil eye. Anytime I was afflicted with some kind of sniffle or ache I blamed it on the evil eye. I was even worried I might vex myself. Pathetic.
Ok, not this topic. I want to talk about how I will deal with those superstitions and worries. I will have to find a way to leave those ugly thoughts behind.
One person in my life whose growth and success has been inspirational is my father. When I was a child I knew him as an abusive and bitter man. He suffered more than anyone I know and needed about four decades to recover. What I can do is learn from his mistakes and behave in a way that will make my struggle shorter than his.
There is one thing I would like to work on immediately. Body language. My father’s body language has changed a whole lot ever since he found a solution for his pain. He now commands respect when he enters a room. Since I am overweight I tend to behave awkwardly to cover myself. I know that this behaviour draws just more attention to my body but I keep doing it. This is because this size is new to me and I have no idea how to hold myself. Part of my lack of elegance is my dumpy mother. She has some horrible habits which I cannot begin to list. Some of them are just rude like plucking her pubic hair while covering herself with a throw (but doing it obviously as in legs wide spread and plucking the hair in jerking motions and sometimes exclaiming in pain. She is generally a horrible person to grow up around because from her we have learnt some horrible habits, feral habits. She is atrocious in public as well. Luckily we had some good influence so we didn’t grow up to be complete pigs.
Enough horrible stuff about mother. Its time to look into the body language thing. It is time to learn proper manners. This week I will learn more about how to hold myself while I work out more and have less to awkwardly cover with my arms.